18 July 2011

Being a jerk and stuff.

So being pregnant has been really interesting.

The first trimester is HARD.
I didn't want to tell people I was pregnant because I was really afraid of miscarrying. I've never miscarried before, but I know a lot of people who have. And I know that it is a really sad and hard thing. So I didn't want to tell a bunch of people that I had a baby inside me until the risk of miscarriage went down.

Which meant that people just had to deal with me being sick and tired and grumpy.
There were times when I really wanted to yell, "I'm pregnant! Give me a break!" Like when I had to carry two 5 gallon buckets of distilled water. Or when I came to work every morning half an hour late because I had just finished throwing up. Or when I could only sleep for four hours each night for two weeks. Or when I couldn't remember anything. Or when I was carrying my big frames for BFA up and down the stairs at our apartment and none of the guys who walked past me offered to help.

Or when I was grumpy and said or wrote mean things.
Especially then.
Luckily, most people gave me the benefit of the doubt and are still nice to me.
Seriously. Things that normally wouldn't bother me at all, have REALLY bothered me the last few months. And everyone has been annoying to me. I have gotten really upset over such silly things.
For example, one night I couldn't find my tweezers. I got SO mad at Jeff. I went to bed mad at him because I couldn't find my tweezers. I'm the one who carries them all over the apartment and leaves them everywhere, but I was mad at Jeff. It was ridiculous.

So to everyone who has been extra nice to me even though they didn't know I was pregnant, THANK YOU.
And if you were thinking I've been a jerk for most of this semester, it's because I have been. I'm sorry.
And I deleted all of my Internet writings that were mean. Except my frustrated Tweets because they're only 140 words and kind of funny to me now.
And I deleted my entire Tumblr because it really was just bringing out the MySpace in me.

Basically the lesson that I've learned from this semester is that if someone you know who is usually nice starts acting not so nice, it's probably because something is going on with them. Not because they start to hate you and not because they are an actual jerk. Just because something big is happening to them and they feel like they can't tell everyone.

So be nice to people and forgive them.
Forgiving people feels good.

And again. Sorry about what the pregnancy hormones have done to me.
But I promise the baby will be cute.

1 comment:

  1. You are so awesome! I remember the sick feeling every morning for the first trimester, but never had the nasty hormone swings. At least I don't remember them if I did. But it's true, sometimes you just have these awful days. Those of us who know and love you understand. Hope it gets better for you. Second trimester was my favorite!