Dear Sad Amy,
I think that there are a few things that you should remember when you're feeling down and dreary.
1. You are not alone.
I know your depression and anxiety and stuff would like you to believe otherwise. But they lie to you 99% of the time. You may think that you are the only person in the entire world who has ever felt so let down by people and that there is no one else who cares about building relationships like you do. This is not true. Remembers the books you've read and the songs that you've heard. They've said exactly how you're feeling. So while you may be physically alone, remember you really aren't alone in your way of thinking.
2. Don't push away the people that genuinely care about.
They are trying to help you. Because they love you. Be nice to them or they may leave you.
3. It isn't good for you to assume that everyone is out to get you.
Every sassy comment that you read online or overhear is likely not about you. While the Internet is the ultimate tool to unleash passive aggression, not everyone is critiquing you 24/7. They're probably frustrated about a lot of things. And if it's someone that you care about, give them the benefit of the doubt.
4. Keep doing the things that you know are good for you.
It is hard for you to pray, go to church, and read your scriptures when you're feeling really sad. Do them anyway. It's hard to get started, but it will help you. Also, eat your food! You lost 10 pounds in a year from not eating a lot because you were so stressed out. You think that being hungry makes you feel less weighed down, but you need food. It will help you feel less sad and angry.
5. Remember to read/write in your Love Journal.
When upon life’s billows you are tempest-tossed,
When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings; name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord has done.
6. Even though you are scared to be around people, put yourself in social situations.
Again, most people are not critiquing you 24/7. Yes, you will likely be awkward. But the more you're around people, the less awkward you will be. And those people who don't like being awkward people aren't worth your time anyway. Because everyone is awkward sometimes.
7. Look for others who seem heavy hearted and befriend them.
You may feel like your friends hate you. Look for others who seem sad and alone and try to help them. They will likely very much welcome your company and friendship.
8. If you are feeling down, write in your journal, not on your blog.
I know. You started blogging when you were 15. This was before blogs had themes like "fashion" or "music" or "lifestyle." Pretty much everyone wrote on their blogs to vent their feelings. But remember how you almost always regret complaining about something on your blog because you're worried if you hurt someone's feelings or not? You may think that you are making a profound observation of what is happening around you or saying something really general, but you will likely hurt someone's feelings or upset them because nothing every comes across right on the Internet. And you are not mean enough to let things like that slide. So write in your journal. That way in a few years you can decide if you really were brilliant or not.
9. Call someone else who is likely feeling lonely.
You know lots of people who are alone. Almost all the time. Call them. They always love to hear from you. Even though you have phone anxiety, it will make you feel better.
10. There is hope.
there is a heart of such distress
that I carry in this chest
please reach out and caress
in your pillowesque manner
front and center
right here and right now
I'm throwing in the towel
I've committed too many fowls
I've flown south
my spirits turning sour
I can't go through another hour
be my precious pretty pink petite flower
that blooms in the night
and leave me in the dark by your moonlight
no more fight
I never fought anywhere
so I thought
and now I'm here on these knees distraught
crying out to you pretty please
take this disease
turning these insides brown
my smile turns to frown
and my breathe smells like death
because I am dead to light
and alive to something I don't know
that you would have me feel
but this is for real
and I need you right now
I need you right now
so seal the deal with your stamp of regeneration
and grow me up into a new creation
taken from a tree and plucked from a vine
if it's my time to shine
then shine your light on me
so that everyone hurting can see
that there is hope
in the seemingly endless valley full of rotten fruit
left behind from previous troops
that are now in your mountains
drinking directly from your fountains
save me a spot
I will be there sooner than not
I'm picking up the pace and slowly starting to trot.
Relatively Content Amy