Holy moley. It's been a while, Blogger.
At the end of August we moved into a new apartment that we LOVE. It has central air, which isn't so much of a big deal this weekend, but it was pretty hot here in Des Moines for a while. Even though it's a newer building, it's in this historic neighborhood called Sherman Hill with lots of beautiful Victorian houses and tree lined streets. And we're within walking distance from downtown! Ez and I have walked to the downtown library and to the park a few times. We've been able to walk to the Saturday morning farmers market (rated the NUMBER TWO farmers market in the NATION) two or three times, too.
Unfortunately, we haven't been home a lot since we've moved! This coming week will be our second full week home since we moved here in August. Craaazy. Jeff's really busy with travel this time of year, but it slows down after Halloween.
Things have been going really well. We've been having some fun adventures and been trying to get our apartment settled. When we brought Ezra home, we lived in a one bedroom one bathroom apartment and now this apartment has two bedrooms AND two bathrooms. So we are feeling pretty blessed and spoiled and like our apartment is huuuuge.
I'm taking antidepressants again and feeling really great about it. It doesn't completely eliminate all of my depression and anxiety, but I can be a functioning human with very few if any breakdowns with the dosage I'm taking. I take generic Zoloft and it's only around $8 a month for my prescription from Wal-Mart. We did have to pay for my doctor's appointment (which I think was less than $100, maybe even considerably, but I don't remember) since I'm on my dad's insurance and it has a crazy high deductible, but it's been worth it. Since I've taken this medication and dosage before, I haven't had to go back for followup appointments. I don't know why I'm telling you this? I guess maybe if you're thinking about getting on medicine but are afraid of the costs? I've been super lucky as far as meds go. I only had to try one kind. My younger brother has had to be on medication for autism and other things for a long time and some of his medication has had crazy side effects and he's had to be weened and upped and all sorts of madness. I've gained so much respect for him since I've started taking medication.
And now, some selfies that Ezra took with Jeff's old digital camera.
It was really funny because today he would hold the camera out in front of himself and smile. Unfortunately, he didn't take any of himself doing that.
01 August 2013
Skeletons originally from PaperSource (According to Google), but found on Pinterest
Wedding photos by Devan Marie Photography
"This is love with the lights on and eyes
wide open. This is the brave love, the
scared love, the sacred boring, the holy
ordinary over sinks of dirty dishes and
that one cupboard in the kitchen with
the broken hinge."
26 July 2013
Oh Lord, my God, when I in awesome wonder
Consider all the worlds Thy hands have made
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder
Thy power throughout the universe displayed
When thru the woods and forest glades I wander
And hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees
When I look down, from lofty mountain grandeur
And hear the brook and feel the gentle breeze
Then sings my soul
My Savior God to Thee
How great Thou art
How great Thou art
So many great and beautiful, yet simple things have been happening lately.
But still my heart feels heavy and my eyes full.
And that's just how things go for me some times.
12 July 2013
I love people. They absolutely terrify me, but I love them.
I am ridiculously sympathetic. I know that usually when people say positive qualities about themselves that they usually end up not actually possessing these qualities, but I'm pretty sure I have this one. And it makes it so hard to be mad at people for longer than a few minutes. It makes it a lot easier for me to be compassionate, but it makes it a lot harder when people don't return the compassion.
I also try to expect the best from people. This is usually a good way to become disappointed. But since I am also brutally sympathetic I frequently excuse people's less than ideal behavior. Because you really never really know how hard their life may be at the moment. Better to love than judge, right?
But what about when people consistently let you down? It's a huge trend these days to "do what makes you happy" at all costs. But what if what you're doing is hurting people who genuinely care about you? What if what you're doing is hurting me? But you're happy so it's okay? But I care about you. I expect more from you. You are better than this!
You are better than this...right?
Anyway, I know I probably tend to lean heavily on the side of oversharing when it comes to my emotions. I know not all emotions need to be shared. But if I don't share they sometimes fester and boil and puss and rot inside me. And I know that I could very well write them all down in a journal and wouldn't that just be good enough. But I also very well know I am too lazy to do that. And I really, really want people to be more genuine and open and sincere which is so hard to find in the blogging world these days because I think people are afraid or maybe just lazy because it really is hard work to acknowledge your emotions and be brave enough to share the ones that aren't positive. But I know you are better than that.
Also, this isn't me giving up on humanity. I am an eternal optimist and fatally hopeful. But this is me being realistic and saying how hard it can be to trust and hope and forgive.
And really, to quote Girls (which I have never seen, but have seen this quote floating around on the Internet), "No one could ever hate me as much as I hate myself, so any mean thing someone's gonna think to say to me I've already said to me, about me, probably in the last half hour."
And that's probably the root of most of my problems anyway.
“A silly idea is current that good people
do not know what temptation means.
This is an obvious lie. Only those who try
to resist temptation know how strong it is...
A man who gives in to temptation after five
minutes simply does not know what it would
have been like an hour later. That is why bad
people, in one sense, know very little about
badness. They have lived a sheltered life by
always giving in.”
08 July 2013
Land of the Free via
Of course I had a Fourth of July outfit planned for Ez that screamed "Made in America! And proud!" but Thursday was not the best of days for Ezra Walter Poole. It was actually the hardest day he's had thus far in his life. He has molars coming in. Ohh, those molars are the biggest bullies. So Ezra was in his diaper and attached to mom's or dad's hip all day long.
(Saturday afternoon we actually found out Ezra had some virus called roseola. Not a big deal, but it made him have a fever, lots of dirty diapers, and hives. He's doing better now. But imagine having a virus and molars coming in. Last week was rough.)
Our friends Talia and Robert came over for an all-American (plus horchata) meal and some Sandlot watching. They sure are troopers. When they knocked on our door, we hadn't cleaned up the living room or even started dinner. We were actually in the middle of trying to get Ezra to take a nap. For the fifth time that day.
After dinner we ate fruit pizza that they had brought and watched fireworks on tv. They are definitely not very impressive on a screen. Luckily our neighbors lit some off and we could see them peek-a-booing through the trees.
Also, a little post-patriotic humility. I love you, America, and am grateful for you. I love you so much that I wrote an award-winning essay about you in 8th grade about what it means to be an American. But these things are pretty true.
05 July 2013
I am very, very bad at doing dishes. And putting away my clothes after washing them.
I've always been messy. Ask my mom.
JUNE GOAL RECAP:
++I did read a bit more! I read a fantastically eyeopening and uplifting book called Weakness Is Not Sin by Wendy Ulrich, as recommended by my friend Myke. I also did a bit better reading The Book of Mormon every day.
++My sister-in-law (the same one who just got married) and I started a long distance book club with a couple of her friends. We're reading Wild by Cheryl Strayed because my friend Christina loves it.
NO CLOTHES BUYING UPDATE:
++I used my J.Crew gift card that I got from Jeff for Christmas to get two shirts. I think I'll really regret using it so quickly come October.
27 June 2013
I know that it's summer. I know that traditionally neons are for summer. I know that pastels are typically reserved for spring. (Groundbreaking) But thus far in my life, I cannot get behind a neon color palette. Even if it's paired with neutrals. And even though I try so hard to pledge my loyalties to the autumnal muted color schemes that are so hip, pastels are always what makes my heart flutter most.
Favorite pastel Pinner: Laura Hunter of I Love Crafty
Favorite pastel blogger: Scathingly Brilliant
Favorite poet who uses the phrase "pastel pretty": Bradley Hathaway in On Being Joyful and Content
*NOTE* Included in this collage are other obsessions of mine: kitchens, Marie Antoinette, juxtaposition, Blythe dolls, cookies that look like other things.